Results

I have been debating about whether to write this post. Because it’s difficult to open up about our vulnerabilities. Because I don’t want to do a disservice to the program I’m finishing. Because I don’t want to discourage anyone. Because I don’t want to be a disappointment. Because it’s something I’m sensitive about….but something happened yesterday that made me feel like I had to open up about this experience.

If you’ve been checking in with me at all over on Facebook you probably know that I’m finishing up an 80-day exercise and nutrition program. It’s been pretty intense. Hour-long workouts most days, fairly regimented nutrition. It’s taken a lot of commitment and hard work.

If not- that’s what I’ve been up to and I’ve pretty much loved it from start to finish. This coming from the girl who is a reformed exercise hater! I’ve been getting up at 4:30 in the morning so I have time to eat before I exercise. I’ve been pretty solid on the nutrition. Meaning I haven’t had sugar for almost 80 days.

I’ll say that again- I haven’t had sugar in 80 days! Not on my daughter’s birthday, not on Valentine’s Day, not on Easter. No Irish Soda Bread on St. Patrick’s Day (or beer). No ice cream, no chocolate. Lots of eggs and steel cut oats and ground turkey and spinach. I have been eating every 2-3 hours. The only bumps in the road were when I traveled. But then the bumps were not eating enough or having to eat extra on-plan meals because I was staying up through the night driving to Florida. They weren’t Devil Dog bumps, or bags of chips to keep me awake at 3 am bumps.

So- pretty solid on the nutrition. No cheats. Very solid on the workouts. No missed workouts.

So Let’s See How Skinny You’ve Gotten

And yet I am not seeing the results I hoped for, the results I expected, the results it feels like everyone else is getting. I’m part of a very large (40,000 plus members) Facebook group of people doing the program at the same time. I’ve been seeing pounds lost and inches lost and before and after pictures that are incredible.

In the beginning, I said to myself, “Be patient.” In the middle, I said, “Your time will come.” All along I’ve said, “It’s not just about the numbers. It’s about how you’re feeling.” And I’ve been feeling pretty great. I feel stronger than I ever have. I can do things I couldn’t do before. So all this has kept me going, and kept me loving the program.

But I have to confess I have had moments of weakness. Luckily, they’ve been short moments of weakness and not the kinds of moments of weakness that in the past have led me to act out like a toddler and binge eat saying, “What does it matter anyway, nothing changes no matter how hard I work.” But moments like when someone I haven’t seen in a while says, “Let me see how skinny you are.” And then has nothing to say because in clothes I don’t look any different! The rational part of me in my brain says, “It’s not about how skinny I am. It’s about how strong and healthy I feel.” The pissy part of me says, “I’m not skinny, ok?! Nothing’s changed! I’m still the chubster I was the last time you saw me.” With maybe a few expletives thrown in 🙂

So I’ve kept plugging along despite the fact that I haven’t gotten the visible results other people have gotten. I’ve trusted the process, I’ve been patient, but here I am almost at the end and now how do I feel?

I feel like I still love this program. I feel like I’m going to do it again- like starting next week. I feel like yeah, I’m a little bummed that I didn’t get dramatic results that are visible, but for the most part, I’m ok with that. I’m feeling like, maybe there’s a food sensitivity that could explain my “bloat,” but also like I really like Greek yogurt and maybe don’t want to know if that’s the problem. I’m feeling like, maybe I still just need more time.

I’m feeling like I’m really freaking strong right now. I can do pushups without modifying. I can do things now that I couldn’t do 80 days ago. I can’t wait to see what the next 80 days brings.

Then this happened….

So I was feeling all these things after my workout on Day 74 and I was compelled to try something I’ve never been able to do and that I haven’t tried to do in ages. And I did it….

I did a pull-up.

A full, unassisted pull-up.

And then I cried.

And my kids cheered.

And my husband hugged me.

And I said, “Did I really just do that? Did that count?”

And, even though they all said yes, I did it again.

And I knew it was all worth it. All the hard work, all the effort. All the early mornings, all the cooking and food prep and dishes.

Because, yes, it’s nice to see results. It’s nice to see numbers go down. But really it is about getting stronger, about being a better version of yourself. About pushing your limits and feeling so good because you can do hard things.

A pull-up might not seem like a big deal (because either- who cares? or because- that’s easy) but to me it is. It’s doing something I really doubted I’d ever be able to do. And if I can do this thing that I never thought I could do, who knows what else I can do?

That’s what made me feel compelled to write this post. Because maybe you’re doing all the right things, too, and you’re frustrated by your lack of progress. Or maybe you feel like it’s not worth the bother or you can’t do it or it’s too hard. It’s about breaking out of pigeon holes, shattering glass ceilings, redefining your self-image. Which might sound a little melodramatic, but it’s true. And that’s the beauty of exercise.

My Results

So….while I didn’t get the results I was hoping for in pounds and inches lost, I did get some results I’m pretty proud of. I definitely feel stronger. I am more confident in a bathing suit. My clothes are a little looser. I have more muscle and changes you can see when I’m in shorts and a sports bra. I think there might even be some evidence that I do actually have abs in there somewhere!

I have zero cravings for sugar. And I’m not lying. And I think that’s pretty crazy because I love candy and cake and frosting and cookies and ice cream and chocolate in any way, shape, or form. I think it bothers other people that I’m not eating certain things sometimes; they seem to feel like I’m deprived or missing out. But other than the convenience of eating certain foods (can’t wait to just order pizza on a Friday night!) I’m happy with what I’m eating.

And….I got some results I didn’t expect. I did a pull-up. And that’s pretty freaking amazing for a lazy girl like me!

Any program that makes me feel this empowered is one worth doing again. Fluffy abs or not 🙂