Today my kickass quote is not so much an exact quote I’ve heard that’s running around my head, but more of a theme you see in lots of quotes. Basically, I’m thinking a lot about perspective. My frazzled day yesterday left me feeling like a hot mess and beating myself up for being such a slacker. Cue the need for a mindset shift.
Perspective. It’s all in how you look at things. It’s all about your mindset. Your mindset matters more than where you are and what’s happening. Looking at the glass as half empty or half full and all that kind of stuff. There are so many great quotes out there, but I couldn’t find one that said exactly what I want to say. But what has me thinking about it so much is this…
It was my son’s birthday yesterday. I could look at the day in two ways:
- Wow, he had a really great day. It started with a little morning present on his chair. What a nice way to start the day. I made him bacon for breakfast. And for lunch. His favorite food! He also got a little note in his lunch. After school I let him play on the X Box even though it was a school day. We had family over and they played Star Wars Monopoly with him while I did what I had to do. I also made him mozzarella sticks as a snack. We had his choice of dinners- he got a bacon cheeseburger and corn on the cob. We then had triple layer cake- chocolate and yellow cake with homemade chocolate frosting. He loves layer cake and I surprised him with it. Extreme cookie dough ice cream on the side. He opened presents, including the lego set he really wanted from me and his dad. He felt loved and happy all day!
Or:
- He had a great day but it could have been so much better if I only had my shit together. I gave him a morning present, but it was just an outfit. I should have had a fun little something for him to open too. Like a mini lego set. If I didn’t wait to shop for it until the night before I would have had something. I should have made him a bacon, egg & cheese for breakfast. Instead of making frosting and wrapping presents while he played Monopoly I should have played too. If I had stuff done ahead of time I would have had time to do that. I could have spent more time with him instead of doing stuff. Like the presents- who else pays $25 for overnight shipping because they didn’t get their kid presents in time? I should have bought them weeks ago, or at least last week. And had them wrapped by yesterday. It’s not like I didn’t know this day was coming. He had a good day but it could have been better if I wasn’t such a mess.
Guess how I’ve been looking at it. Totally the second way. I overheard my mom say to my sister, “She does such a nice job,” referring to the little birthday dinner I had made for my son, our little family celebration. And in my head I just thought of all that I didn’t do right. I beat myself up for having so much to do and wishing things were nicer. We didn’t have birthday plates and napkins. I didn’t vacuum the dining room rug. And on and on and on…
Now if I heard someone else saying these things to themselves I would stop them and say nice things instead. Like, “The most important thing is he had a really great day. He was happy! You did a lot of thoughtful things and worked hard to make it a happy day. You made a triple layer cake for goodness’ sake!” But when I say them to myself, I just let it go on. And add to it.
This kind of self-talk is defeating in so many ways. It’s pointless because the day is over now and there’s no changing it. It’s irrelevant because really the day is about my son, not me. It’s kind of egotistical in a way- I’m making it about me. It feeds more negativity which isn’t good for anyone!
I feel like a lot of people, especially moms, have this kind of inner monologue at one time or another. Wouldn’t it be nicer if we didn’t? Wouldn’t we feel better about life in general if we nipped this kind of stuff in the bud?
On a grander scale, this reminds me of a story my husband told me recently…
How Did I Get So Damn Lucky?
My husband was talking to his dad about a man they knew, a family friend. My father-in-law said, “We just never really hit it off that great. I don’t think he liked me much.” When my husband asked why, he said something like, “I just think it annoyed him that I was so happy.”
This man and my father-in-law had very similar lives and so much in common. Similar backgrounds, same job, similar houses, big families. This man looked at his life and wondered why he didn’t have more. My father-in-law looked at his life and wondered how he got to be so lucky.
The story hasn’t ended for either of them. But let’s just say that the other man went off in search of “more” and is no happier today than he ever was. My father-in-law might be one of the happiest (and most loved) men I’ve ever seen.
Is it just about how they looked at things? Probably not. But I think that’s a big part of it.
Choose Positive
We can choose how we look at things. We can choose to be positive. We can choose to be grateful. It’s hard sometimes. And it takes more work. But isn’t it worth it?
Sure, I hope next year I buy his gifts a little earlier. And wrap them at least the day before. But no matter what I do I’m pretty confident he’ll have a great birthday next year too.
Today I was feeling pretty awful. Sad and cranky and beating myself up for a multitude of things. But that’s not ok. It’s not ok for me and it’s not ok for my kids. I don’t need to walk around here like a mope or a grump and make them unhappy. And I don’t need to be so hard on me.
I’m listening carefully to that inner self-talk today and straightening myself out as necessary. I read a little something positive, I put on some music that puts me in a good mood. I made myself a nice cup of coffee and I’m knocking it off with the nonsense and choosing to make it a good day. Imperfectly good.
What do you do when you find yourself feeling negative?
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