Forgive Yourself

Have you ever gotten hung up on something and it really gets to you? Like something from your past, or something stupid you did last week? Maybe something you didn’t do and now wish you had? I’ve had that feeling lately. Gnawing at me inside. Lingering. I’ll feel sad and cranky and not know why and then this thing will rear its little head and I’ll realize, “Oh. It’s that thing again.”

 

Then I read this quote the other day and it’s this quote that’s been clinging to me. “There is a real fear that we can be buried or defined by an experience that, in reality, is only a sliver of who we are.” It’s from the book The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown.

“Only a sliver of who we are.” I love that. So when I’m worried about this thing, this thing that feels so big and so bad and so overwhelming, I can take a step back and realize it’s only a sliver of who I am. It doesn’t define me. It’s not who I am. It’s not all there is to me or all that is out there from which I can be judged.

Or maybe there’s something you don’t like about yourself. Maybe you’re messy or you always run late or you struggle in school or you struggle with your weight or you drink too much wine or you binge eat or you gossip or you snap at your kids or you snap at your husband or you don’t visit your old aunt enough. Whatever it is, is that all there is to you? Or is that thing just a sliver of who you are?

And the answer is it’s just a sliver of who you are. You are so much more than that one problem. Should you still work on making that thing better? Yes. Absolutely. But should you let it get you down about yourself as a person? No way.

Letting these slivers become magnified can backfire on us, too. Instead of spending energy on improving or making amends or something positive we spend time in a spiral of self-loathing at worst or just feeling down.

Those negative feelings can only lead to more negative feelings. You’ll be in a bad mood so you’ll get snippy with someone and then feel guilty. Or you’ll overeat and beat yourself up about that. It can easily become a spiral.

This quote really struck me and made me feel better. It also made me realize I need to be more forgiving of myself.

We are many, many slivers put together to make a whole person. Most of those slivers are lovely slivers, happy slivers, good slivers. Don’t beat yourself up over a sliver that’s not so great. Don’t let that sliver define who you are.