Are you an over-thinker?  Do you suffer from paralysis by analysis? I kind of hate that quote, but it is exactly what happens to me. My first response to new situations or stressful situations is to want to know all I can about it. So when I’m looking for clarity – which comes in handy when you’re trying to figure out what the hell you want in this life – it doesn’t come easily. Because I’m the same way when it comes to figuring out what I want. Facts, pros and cons, other people’s expectations, and responsibilities make one big murky mess. And one big, feeling-stuck Mary.

I’m also terribly indecisive. Well, maybe not terribly. Maybe that’s too strong a word. Maybe awfully indecisive? Pervasively indecisive? No, I think terribly is the right word.

I find myself stuck in indecision. It’s not a great feeling and it’s not something I want to pass along to my children. Flexibility is great, easygoing is great, wishy-washy is not. Self-doubt is not.

Sometimes when I’m overwhelmed by indecision, doubt, and an overload of information, I don’t do anything. I put things off, stress about them, go back and forth on things. I don’t move forward, I don’t do anything, and nothing changes except the initial desire to change something.

Move Forward

I have learned that often the best thing to do is to take action. Just start doing. You can figure it out as you go. You’ll learn as you go. If something isn’t right, you’ll know it when you get started. See what happens. But do something.

This doesn’t apply to everything. I’m not saying rush in and do it in all cases. Like getting a tattoo. I suggest you do give that some thought. Draw it on a piece of paper and hang it on the wall next to your bed where you have to look at it first thing every day. Leave it there for a year. If you still want that tattoo after looking at it for a year, engage, and skip off to the local tattoo parlor. Endure the pain, and leave knowing you didn’t rush into anything so permanent. (I feel strongly about the tattoo thing, ha ha…)

But for most things? Things you’ve been putting off, stalling on, over-thinking? Don’t wait for the perfect time. Even if you don’t have all the answers. Sometimes you have to “do” before you figure out exactly where you’re going.

Give Inspiration an Opportunity

Part of the beauty of just getting started and doing something is that it will give inspiration or thought or clarity a chance to strike. When we’re stuck or not sure what we want but just go about our busy lives waiting for it to come to us, it might never come. Or if it does come we might be too busy to notice. But if we stop and do something “it” might have a chance to settle in. We’ll be giving it time to come.

Writing is a good example of this for me. I love to write but for a long time, I never did it. (Even before I had four small creatures needing my focus and attention.) I was waiting for inspiration, waiting for ideas, waiting to know what to write about. When I started just sitting down to write, that’s when ideas came to me.

If you feel like you want to make a change in life, take action. Don’t wait for clarity first. Dip your toes in different waters and see what feels right for you.

Practical Tips to Gain Clarity

1. Make a bucket list. Write down everything that comes to your mind no matter how big or impossible it seems. Look back at the list and see how your current situation aligns with your bucket list. Are you doing stuff you really want to do? Are you living a life now that will allow you to check off those things? How can you get closer to doing what you really want without frittering away the years between now and then?
2. Make a happiness list. Write down everything that makes you happy. Things that bring you joy, fulfillment. What in your life makes you most happy? What would bring you more happiness? It’s ok to be self-centered here. Let this list be your own, not what makes others happy. I’m all about making other people happy and I know making other people happy makes us happier, but I’m talking strict self-happiness here.
3. Try new things. There’s a great big world out there. Maybe your path is down a road you’ve never traveled before. Do something different. Shake things up. See how it makes you feel. Take a class, join a friend in doing something they enjoy that you’ve been curious about, go to a conference, splurge on a retreat. Or start something new. Hate your job and think you might want to work from home? Explore your options. And start something. If you hate it, you’ll come out of it knowing more than you did before and you can cross it off your “Ideas to Explore” or “Things to Try” list.
4. Put yourself in places where you’re likely to meet like-minded people. Curious about new-agey kind of stuff? Take a yoga class. You’re more likely to meet people who are open to that kind of thing there than at the bar down the street or at the nail salon. Think you might want to be a writer? Look for a local writers’ group. Even if you feel under-qualified go check it out. Chances are someone else there feels the same way. Maybe your new BFF, someone you can finally talk to about writing!
5. Ask yourself questions. About life as you currently live it and about those lists you made. Question your life, even if you’re perfectly happy or exactly where you hoped you’d end up. What makes it so great? What might make it even better?
6. Give yourself some quiet time. This can be time spent meditating, journaling, or just sitting down by yourself without a phone or a book. Just sit there and think about stuff. How often do we do that? Shut out all distractions for a few minutes and just think.
7. Talk it over with someone. Sometimes just a good conversation will help you gain insight. Saying ideas out loud and responding to questions can help you hash things out. I love going for a walk and talking or taking a drive- something about the movement and the looking straight ahead make it easier to talk. Choose your talking-person carefully and make it clear that you are you looking to talk about some stuff so you feel comfortable monopolizing the conversation. Don’t choose someone who will dismiss what you’re saying or roll their eyes at you or just not get what you’re saying or tell you to just do what you’re supposed to do and stop being silly. If you don’t have a person like that, send me an email. I’ll be your person!

Whether you want to figure out your purpose in life, what you want to be when you grow up (a surprisingly common question in mid-life), a career change, a lifestyle change, a hobby, gain clarity on a project for work, or get clear on the meaning of life, try taking action. If you’re an over-thinker like me, then it might be hard to take action before you have it all figured out. But sometimes the “taking action” is necessary for the “figuring out.”

What area of life do you feel like you could use more clarity in?

Wishing you happiness and clarity 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

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