This post is for all the people out there who feel like a big old mess because they’re emotional…
I am crazy emotional. I’m moved to tears several times a day. I cry reading picture books to my kids (and, unfortunately, even when I read picture books to my kids’ classes), I cry in ShopRite when I see either an 80-year-old man (since when do they do so much shopping?!) or a mom with a baby (yes, it’s nice to run in and run out all on my own, but I do miss those days), I cry when children sing (just because), I cry at movies (good or bad), I cry at commercials (even painfully sappy ones). I even have a knack for making other people cry. Sorry about that.
When someone else’s child goes to college, for example, I cry. Not just for the particular person going, but for all that it represents. Usually, I keep my thoughts to myself and just cry quietly, but sometimes I feel compelled to share my thought process and ramble about the end of eras and things never being the same again…It can get rough.
Some of my crying comes from sadness, some from nostalgia, some from joy. But some of it just comes because I feel things so deeply. A mix of things. Happy, sad, or otherwise, I just feel it. My husband jokes that I see the world in swirling colors and waves of emotion. Forget right brain/left brain, I’m all feeling brain.
I Feel, And Then I Usually Cry…
All the feeling is one thing; it’s the crying that can be embarrassing.
Now I should clarify- I don’t often cry in public. I tear. My eyes fill up. Then I get a grip of myself and move on. At least until I get into my car.
Most of the time I can hold it in and save face. But when I feel my mouth turn down at the corners and my eyes twitch I know I’m in trouble. This is when it’s not easy to be a crier. And I’m not a pretty crier either. I’m a blotchy crier. I even have a birthmark that only comes out when I cry. And guess where it is…right in the middle of my forehead. If I had more manageable hair I would definitely have bangs.
My grandmother used to say her bladder was too close to her eye. Which is really a pretty disgusting quote when you think about it. But it sticks with me and reminds me that she was a crier too. So maybe I can blame it on her?
It’s easy to feel alone when you’re a deeply-feeling and/or crying person. You don’t usually see other people cry and it’s not really easy to tell how most people are feeling. I have a few mushy people in my life who I know will totally get whatever I’m feeling and the fact that I’m crying about it and will probably cry with me. But most of the time? I feel like it’s just me and sometimes it makes me feel crazy…and messy.
Then I read this…
and it made me feel:
- Like I’m not alone. Someone who has their act together enough to write and publish a book feels like a mess, too?
- Vindicated. Yeah, I cry a lot. Not because I’m a mess. Because I’m paying attention. I love that.
- Oh, yeah, I don’t just cry a lot. I laugh a lot and smile a lot and if that made me blotchy maybe I’d feel messy about that too.
(Not to say that you need to be a crier to be paying attention. I know some very deeply feeling people who never cry.)
So if you see me (or some other mushy mama) crying at school pick-up or in ShopRite (I’m much less likely to feel like crying at Target- I don’t know if that’s due to the lack of 80-year-old men or all the fun stuff) please know that I’m not crazy. I’m not crying because I’m depressed or because I’m an unhappy person.
I’m crying because I’m struck by something. I noticed something that triggered me emotionally and made me feel so much all at once that I feel like crying.
I’m crying because I know that these moments are fleeting, these moments are beautiful, it’s easy to lose track of the beauty in things when you can’t find a shoe or you forgot about Crazy Hair day or you feel like a crappy mom for a multitude of reasons. (It’s easy to forget that you’re a good mom when that other mom seems like she’s never messy, in any way, shape, or form. And then there you are crying even more because not only is your child growing up and leaving you and you know that in the end we’re born alone and we’ll die alone, but you’re crying like a crazy person at school drop-off and your poor children are stuck with you as a mother instead of someone who has their shit together.)
I see the good in things too, of course. Like my child growing up and experiencing all the beauty and wonder that life has to offer…And I cry about that too.
I know there are those eye-rollers out there who will say something along the lines of, “Jeez, lady, get a freakin’ grip.” Well, this post isn’t for them! (Neither is this one about my youngest going to kindergarten!) I’m not sappy and melodramatic all the time. When I’m feeling feisty and badass maybe I’ll write a post entitled, “Screw It,” or, “Why Should We Give a F- Anyway?”
But for now, I just felt like I had to share this quote. And apparently some feelings I have about it. If you ever want someone to cry with, I’m your girl…
P.S. For more reasons to cry (and laugh!) sign up for my newsletter 🙂
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