Do you ever feel lonely even when you’re around people all day? Have you ever felt lonely in your marriage, with your friends, as a mom? Love Warrior explores this loneliness- where it comes from, where it can take us, and how we can find a way to be more true to ourselves and live a fuller life.
Love Warrior is a memoir by Glennon Doyle. It is her story of recovery (she’s a recovering alcoholic and bulimic) and marriage and motherhood and finding herself. The book touches on childhood and adolescence, the story of her marriage and the story of how her marriage falls apart. It’s about feeling lonely in a relationship and as a mother. It’s largely about how she finds herself in the breakdown of her marriage and the process of trying to fix things.
There are three things I love most about the book…
The idea of wanting to be small.
Most little girls are raised in a society where they are made to feel that they should be small. Small in size (thin), small in attitude, small in relationships, small in school.
We are also held up to feminine ideals. There are acceptable personas us girls can adopt.
You definitely see more backlash against this notion. The whole “Grrrrl” kinda thing. Strong female role models are celebrated more. There are celebrities who put on a more fierce persona and do things to make themselves different. But it’s not enough. The notion of what is or is not acceptable or desirable for girls and women holds us back.
The Representative.
How many people that you see in day-to-day life know you well? I feel like most interaction with other people is made up of surface-level stuff. Chit chat. In this middle part of life making friends and building relationships is a whole different thing than it used to be. It was easy to bond in college when you had hours of free time. Before kids, it was easier to get together to socialize outside the work day and get to know people more.
So I love the idea of Glennon Doyle’s “representative” in Love Warrior. I feel like it’s our representatives that are out there being social, and for a few reasons. The lack of time to get to know people more, the insecurity you feel in new situations, the resistance to building new relationships because life is just too busy for more, social norms that make it easier to just blend in with the crowd and go along with them.
The constant of being in that role can make it hard to get to really know people and really feel known. Which makes for a certain kind of loneliness.
The canary in the mine.
Sometimes it can feel lonely to have certain feelings, thoughts, ideas when it seems like you’re the only one who has them. And if we’re busy as our representatives chatting about sports, the PTA, shopping, and our favorite paint color or the latest episode of This Is Us, how likely are we to share deeper feelings, thoughts, and ideas?
Glennon Doyle talks about having feelings that can make you feel like a canary in a coal mine, like you’re out there and you know something is off but no one else seems to notice. But you’re not the only one feeling more than people see on the surface. Other people are feeling lonely, disconnected, worried. Other people have doubts. I do think some people are so all-in on their representative that it’s all they know. Without making time to slow down and reflect it’s easy to get swept away in the current. But I know for sure there are lots of canaries.
There are people out there who feel like there are things amiss in the world today. The fast pace, the technology. Like we’re missing something. Love Warrior reminds us of that.
We live in a crazy world, in a crazy time. With so much “connection” available to us, how is it that we’re left feeling more disconnected than ever? Our representatives are taking care of business, liking other representatives’ posts and talking up representative business without getting beyond that.
For the record, I like chatting about paint colors for my living room and Game of Thrones as much as anyone. Just ask my children how hard it can be to drag me away from another mom on the playground. But when I do have a conversation about something “more” it brings a greater sense of connection for sure.
It’s never too late to redefine your life…
I love the idea of finding yourself and redefining yourself in this phase of life, marriage breakdown or not, recovery or not.
This book is about falling apart and putting yourself back together again. You don’t need to hit the rock bottom an alcoholic might hit or end up hospitalized with an eating disorder or in divorce court to redefine yourself. But this book is a beautiful illustration of the process. Maybe you just feel a little off. Or maybe you wonder how you ended up living a life so off course from what you planned. It could be that you’re going through a hard time. Perhaps you’re unhappy at work. Or at home. It might be that you feel unfulfilled, or like there’s something more for you. Maybe you’re watching someone else fall apart and want to be there for them.
Glennon Doyle is a master of self-reflection in a time when not many of us self-reflect. Who has time? There’s always something to do and when we find ourselves without something to do, what do we usually do? Turn to our phones. Check our email, scroll through Facebook or Pinterest, text someone. Just like kids benefit from boredom, I think we would too.
This book is a great read as a memoir. And it’s a great read for offering a chance for some self-reflection. Whether you’re into personal development or hate it, I think you’ll like this book and you’ll come away from it a better person.
Read it, put on the list, or skip it? Definitely read it!
I think it would also be a great gift for someone who’s going through a difficult time, without feeling like you’re handing them a self-help book.
Have you read this book? I’d love to hear what you think!! And I always love book recommendations. You can comment here, email me at mary@stayathomefit.com, or find me on Facebook and send me a message. For more of my favorite books check out this post, too.
If you haven’t read the book you can find it here on Amazon. If you purchase through this link I receive a small commission at no extra cost to you, and it helps support my blog!
P.S. Sign up for my newsletter for healthy-life inspiration and more…
Leave a Reply