Balance is Overrated

Have you heard 3 million times about how it’s all about balance? Or how important it is to find balance? I have, and I’ve wondered how women find this elusive balance they speak of. Because I sure as hell have never felt very balanced…and I have finally come to the realization that balance is overrated.

So it was refreshing to hear someone else say there’s no such thing as balance. That it’s a myth. I can’t remember where I heard it first, but I heard it again the other day. Balance is unrealistic and striving for this ideal life balance can only crush our spirits.

Now I do think there’s something to aspiring to an ideal. Balance in theory is a great thing. I just think it’s important for us to realize that “balance” is pretty much impossible to achieve, especially during different seasons of our life. So we don’t need to feel like failures if we haven’t managed to find it.

Zig Ziglar and His “Wheel of Life”

Zig Ziglar created this “Wheel of Life” with spokes for each of the main components of life and I’ve filled it out as part of group exercises. It seems kind of hokey at first but the more I’ve thought about it the more I’ve realized it’s a pretty useful and eyeopening tool. Because there are times in our life when we let one life section (or more) go. His wheel includes the following spokes:

1. Mental
2. Spiritual
3. Physical
4. Family
5. Financial
6. Personal
7. Career

You can find out more about it in this article on ziglar.com.

This tool helped me realize that I wasn’t really giving some aspects of my life enough attention.

I once used a “wheel of life” format that was a little different and it was very helpful too. It broke “Family” down into your children and your partner. Instead of “Career” I think it was “Contribution to the World.” If I find it I will share it and credit the person I learned it from!

If you don’t currently have a career outside the home you can think of a career or a hobby or passion project you have or would like to have.

I also think “Creativity” would be a good addition. I am working on a post about creativity because I think it’s an area of life that doesn’t get enough love. People think it’s not for them, they’re not creative, or that it’s frivolous. But to have something that you’re really into as a hobby can be your creative outlet. It doesn’t have to be art-related. I wrote a post about finding time for things that make you happy. And just you- it doesn’t have to be what makes your kids happy too or your partner happy too. Just something you like to do. It’s good for us!

Sometimes one spoke needs more of us…

So, while I think it’s really important to be mindful of the different areas of your life and the needs you have in those areas, I think it’s also really important to know that sometimes one area might need a little extra time and attention. And that’s ok.

If you’re a new mom the “family” section of the wheel is going to take over your life. Chances are your career, your social life, your physical needs, and your relationship with your partner are going to suffer a little bit.

Should you try to make time for yourself? Absolutely.

Is it ok to still obsess over work stuff and itch to get back to it? Of course.

But don’t feel like a failure if all you can do is take care of your baby and read baby books and feel tired all the time.

There are women out there who are superheroes to me. The women you see a week after having a baby with makeup on, wearing regular clothes and bouncing around being social and getting shit done. I think that’s amazing and impressive. But if that’s not you, it’s ok. Let your wheel settle on family for a while, do your best to fit in some self-care, make time to talk on the phone, embrace your post-baby belly, and know that soon you’ll be able to give other areas more time.

There might come a time in your life where you realize you’ve neglected yourself and you need to make more time for what you want to do. This might mean taking a class, exploring a hobby, taking one night a week to go out with friends, setting a weekly appointment with yourself to go to the library or coffee shop to write.

During this time your “family” section might dip a little bit. That’s ok.

If work is crazy or you get a new job or you’re going after a promotion or you have to travel a lot, other areas might suffer for a while. Do your best to take care of them, do your best to not let things go completely to shit, do your best to make sure everyone knows they’re loved and important. And then do what you have to do for that time.

Even in the middle of this regular life it can be hard to find balance…

And what about when you’re in the middle? When you don’t have a new baby or a new job or a big project? It’s ok to get out of balance then, too. It happens. I might argue that it’s good to be a little out of balance here and there. It means your passion is flaring in a particular area of life and that’s exciting, that’s invigorating, that’s healthy.

I rarely feel like I’m balancing life well. But I have put systems in place that make sure certain areas get the attention they need. Some examples: I exercise early in the morning so I know it gets done and so it doesn’t interfere with other things later. I make time for downtime with my youngest son in the morning; he still needs that and it brings me joy and stillness. We have a bedtime routine with the kids. I am working on- working on!- making time each day for meditation.

Routines can be a good way to make sure one area doesn’t get completely overlooked:

• Bedtime routines for together time with your kids. Or if you have to miss lots of weekday stuff with your kids, weekend “dates” with them to get some quality time in.
• Regular “date nights” with your partner. It’s easy to let them come in second to the kids all the time; having alone time with them helps minimize the impact of that.
• Church on Sunday or meditation at the yoga studio.
• Saturday walks with your friend.
• A block of time on the weekends (maybe when your kids are watching a show and your partner is out for a run) to do work stuff guilt-free.

These things help make sure that at the very least no area of life is going down to zero.

And balance will look a little different for all of us. I just encourage you to think about that Wheel of Life. I know people will want to ignore the “Spirituality” section because they’re not religious or they don’t believe in God or they’re not into that woo-woo stuff. Then maybe that area could be stillness or connecting with nature or reading philosophy books or whatever. Or you might not have a career right now or you have a career you don’t love; then that area could be finding what you would love to do.

As hard as it to strive for balance, we should strive to “not completely neglect” any area of our life. When one area goes neglected for too long, it affects other areas. Not devoting time to taking care of yourself can leave you stressed out, unhappy with yourself, and depressed. Eventually, this will catch up with your relationships, your career, your spirituality. Making your relationship with your partner second fiddle to kids- work- whatever, will piss them off, lead to fighting, make you crabby, affect your kids, your career, etc.

So if you are out of balance perpetually I am here to tell you you’re not alone. And it’s ok. If your kids eat cereal for dinner because you really need to get to a yoga class or you are inspired by a work project it’s ok. When you ditch family movie night because you really need a night out with friends it’s ok.

Maybe instead of striving for balance, we can strive for reflection and awareness and doing our best without beating ourselves up about not being the amazing person who seems to have it all together all the time.

Do you feel like having life balance is unrealistic? Or do you think it is attainable? I would love to hear from you…comment here or reach out to me on Facebook! I’m also on Instagram, but not as much because I’m also struggling to balance the whole Facebook/Instagram thing…That damn balance again.

 

 

 

 

 

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