Are you super-confident, super-insecure, or somewhere in the middle? (Do you super hate the use of the word super but sometimes find yourself saying it anyway?) Self-doubt falls under the crappy but inevitable umbrella of limiting beliefs that most of us face in our lives. Today I want you to think about how it might be affecting your life and how you can overcome self-doubt.
The first step in making change is awareness. That’s why one of the first steps I encourage people who want to lose weight/eat clean/get healthier take is to read labels. That’s it- just read labels. Eat whatever you want, but read the label first.
Why? Because this awareness will ultimately lead to change. I’m not saying that you’ll never eat packaged foods with ingredient lists a mile long ever again. What I’m saying is that you’ll be more conscious of what you’re eating. And that will likely lead to change.
The same applies to any kind of change we want to make. So if there’s a change you want to make- lifestyle, career, relationship- it’s a good idea to start with a good look at yourself.
What makes you tick? What holds you back? Are there areas of your life that could use a little work? Areas that are freaking awesome?
And once you’ve thought more about your life, your circumstances, your personality, look out for doubt. Other limiting beliefs, too, but let’s focus on doubt.
Doubt has plagued me in countless areas. And giving in to self-doubt only strengthens the cycle…because it provides evidence. Evidence that whatever belief you have is true, because “look what happened last time.”
Here are some examples of self-doubt, many of which you’ve probably seen before…
- I’ll never lose weight.
- I never stick with anything.
- Why bother? Nothing has ever worked before.
- I’m not an entrepreneur. It’s not what people like me do.
- Who would want to read what I write? Listen to what I say? See what I have to make?
- I’m too old.
- It’s too late.
- I have no willpower.
- I’m not smart enough (pretty enough, talented enough, young enough, good enough)
- I’m too old (young, fat, boring, inexperienced)
The first step to overcome self-doubt is the awareness I was talking about. Just look out for it. Notice it when doubt creeps in and especially when it keeps you from doing something.
Self-doubt is a habit. And just like other habits, it’s a habit you can change.
You can use these tips to overcome self-doubt…
10 Ways to Overcome Self-Doubt
1- Think of a time when you disproved the doubt.
Think back to a success you’ve had in the area where your self-doubt is the most troubling.
Maybe you think you’ll never lose weight. Think of a time when you successfully did something related to that- when you lost 5 pounds during that challenge, when you ran a 5K, when you gave up soda. It doesn’t have to be a huge thing that you did, just a small something that you did.
Maybe you think you’ll never be successful in your career. Think of a time when you did something well or got noticed or felt good about a task you finished. Use that as proof you can be successful in small ways and ultimately you can be successful in bigger ways, too.
Use that little bit of hope from your past to give you hope now.
2- Think of something you have done that you didn’t think you could do.
Ever had to write a paper and had no idea how to start? Or panicked at 2 in the morning because there was NO WAY you were going to get that thing done? But you probably got that thing done. For better or for worse, it got done.
Did you ever have to do something hard and really doubted you could do it? Finish a class, run a mile, get your degree, complete a project. Remember those times.
Or here’s a big example for you- childbirth. There was a time I really thought I couldn’t do it. No way. Nuh-unh. I didn’t know how the whole pregnancy thing would turn out, but there was no way I could birth a baby. But, hey, here I am 4 babies later and I guess I can do things I thought I would never be able to do.
You can do hard things, even things that seem impossible.
3- Make a list of your strengths.
You know you have them.
For a long time, I felt like I wasn’t good at anything. So I get it if you struggle with what to put on your list. If it’s hard for you, start small.
Like, I make a really good cup of tea. And I’m not talking fancy loose-leaf tea steeped for a precise amount of time in perfectly heated water. I’m talking Lipton. From a kettle. But I make it just right for my father-in-law. And that counts as a strength.
Or maybe you’re good at cheering someone up after a rough day. You know just what to say or not say to make things better.
Maybe you’re good at cleaning. (I can’t elaborate much on this one)
Or maybe you have a flat-out, no-doubt talent for something. Even something obscure. That counts. It’s a strength. Write it down.
Acknowledging that you are good at things (even if it’s making a cup of tea) can help you overcome self-doubt.
4- Read positive things.
I’ll start out with this: Read a personal development book. You can check out my favorites here.
But then I’ll scale it back for those of you who haven’t warmed up to that yet, or for any non-readers out there…
Read positive posts on social media. Quotes, inspiring stories, tidbits people post that are motivating, inspiring, that make you feel good and want to live better. If you haven’t stumbled across them yet, keep looking. They’re out there.
Find blogs you love that make you feel good or teach you something.
5- Listen to positive things.
Podcasts and TED Talks can be life-changing. Literally life-changing. So if you haven’t tried them yet, do it.
Listen while you clean, while you drive, while you fold laundry, while you exercise.
There are endless possibilities. Try out a few. You might hate the first one- don’t let that make you swear them off for life.
It took me a while to warm up to the idea of podcasts. My husband got into them first, so in the beginning, I was listening to what he listened to. Once I explored a little, I found my favorites and now I’m hooked. Like, can’t-wait-to-listen-again hooked.
6- Set a goal that you can meet.
Boost that self-esteem with successes. Start small and set yourself up for success.
So, don’t sign up for a marathon if you’ve never run a mile. Sign up for a 5K. Make sure you have time to prepare for it and start by walking.
Want to write a book? Set a goal to write every day for a week or to write 500 words a day. Don’t just jump into the pressure of having to write a book when you haven’t picked up a pen or typed a document in years.
Or jump in- but make it a manageable undertaking so you can feel good during the process, not just with a finished product.
7- Take action.
This can be a small step or a big step or anywhere in between. Action in one area of your life can spill over into other areas, too, so it doesn’t even have to be in the area you’re struggling with.
Exercise. Start a journal. Take the first step. Make a phone call. Go to a class. Do something.
Feel the doubt, do it anyway.
Mel Robbins is one of my favorite inspirational speakers. Her book The 5-Second Rule is a great way to learn about taking action. Use it to take action and overcome self-doubt.
8- Look for Role-Models
Look around for people who have overcome doubts and done things. Think about someone you know who struggled with their weight for ages, who felt like nothing would ever change…then successfully lost weight and kept it off.
I have an example like this in my own life. Someone I love (I won’t name names) struggled with weight just like I did. She had some success at times, but it never lasted. She never made a significant change that lasted. Until one day she did.
I remember looking at her and thinking, “Holy cow. She did it.” So…I picked her brain (I hate that expression, but it fits) and I watched from afar. And one day I did my own version of what she did.
And guess what…Holy cow, I did it. There have been ups and downs (like my recent fluffing-up) but overall I did it.
I exercise consistently, I am stronger and fitter than I’ve ever been, and I eat better than ever, even with my bouts of emotional eating. (Can you say grief and ice cream?) Plus, it’s been over 7 years, long enough for me to feel pretty confident that it’s sticking.
But that first knowing that someone like me was able to overcome self-doubt made me believe I could do it too.
9- Give yourself a little boost.
Do something to perk you up. Do something that makes you feel good about yourself.
A lot of my ideas here fall into the self-care category…get a manicure, dress up a little, put on some makeup, hang out with someone you always feel better around, listen to music you love, go see a movie.
Boost your current mood and keep boosting.
10- Make yourself believe it (even if it’s just for a minute right now).
All right, getting woo-woo on you…but this stuff works.
Try an affirmation. Even if you feel ridiculous about it.
Every so often during the day, say a little something to yourself.
If you struggle with overall self-doubt try: I am confident and happy.
If it’s a career change: I am strong and successful.
For relationships: I am likable and people want to be around me.
For those of you looking to lose weight and get healthier try: I am lean and strong and healthy.
When I was first running, I would say, “I am strong and healthy; I breathe easy and I fun fast,” in my head while I ran. I was not strong, particularly healthy, breathing easy, or running fast.
But not only did the affirmation help me stick with the whole running thing, the rhythm of it as I said it over and over in my head helped distract me from my weak, wheezing ass that was struggling to get to the end of the street.
Repeat the affirmation like a mantra, write it on a post-it and stick it where you’ll see it a few times a day, make it the wallpaper on your phone. Remind yourself of positive things and they will start to sink in…
You CAN Do It
Overcoming self-doubt will take time. And self-doubt will rear it’s ugly head again. Once you’ve empowered yourself with awareness, action, and positive experiences, it will be easier to get over it.
Breaking the self-doubt habit might be easier to do when you understand where these doubts come from. Mel Robbins has a great blog post about it; you can read it here.
In what area of your life do you struggle most with self-doubt? Or do you feel like you doubt everything? (That’s how I used to feel!) How do you overcome self-doubt? I’d love to hear from you!
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