Why am I still talking about gratitude if I find that word so freaking annoying? Because, as annoying as it sounds, it really is some good stuff. You have to get past the icky, superficial gratitude, and dig deep. Give the little things a chance to get you, let them sink their teeth in, and make you start looking at things differently. Then the good-shit, life-changing gratitude takes hold and before you know it you’ll have stacks of flowery journals filled with gratitude…or at least a happier disposition I guess. So be grateful, damnit.
So I just finished this journal. Isn’t it pretty?
You know what it is? A gratitude journal…130 pages of gratitude.
I’ve been keeping a gratitude journal for the better part of two years now. Prior to starting this practice, talking about gratitude was boring at best, cringe-y at worst.
So why do I do it? Because I heard enough about it to think there must be something to it and I knew I needed something. I stuck with it long enough to realize…you know what? There is something to it. I’m happier. Life feels better. This whole gratitude thing really is (gasp) life-changing. Not in a fairy-godmother wow- everything is so perfect now!- kind of way, but in a deep-down-life-is-good kind of way.
My biggest lesson about gratitude is that sometimes it’s easiest to really feel gratitude- the real kind of gratitude that raises your vibration (yes, I’m talking about vibes, man)- when you think of something relatively small in the big picture of life.
Finding the real essence of gratitude in the little things…
Sometimes it’s just a little material comfort that you are so appreciative of at the moment. A hot cup of coffee in your hands on a cold morning. Soft tissues when your nose is sore from a cold. Air conditioning on a brutally hot summer afternoon.
Sometimes it’s gratitude for something about a person you love. A little thing they do or something about them that makes you smile involuntarily. Something that makes you feel it in your stomach…
Danny’s two front teeth are a little bigger than the rest of his teeth and thinking about seeing them while he talks make me smile every time. Frances makes a cute little mad face, with a furrowed brow and turned-down lips, when I tease her and it is adorable.
The kind of something that borders on painful because it’s so exquisitely real. The love that makes your heart feel like it might burst.
Or a big something about them…
Rose looks out for me when she feels like I’m especially stressed in a very motherly way. She makes sure I get a piece of cake on birthdays.
Thomas knows when I’m feeling blue, even when I’m hiding it pretty well. And he’ll usually make me laugh and give me a hug.
Or when you are suddenly hit with a feeling about your life situation…
Sometimes I’m overwhelmed with the feeling of gratitude for having these four amazing children. I am so freaking lucky.
So that’s a big thing, but I’m feeling it very specifically at the moment.
It’s not a dull, “I’m grateful for my children,” kind of thing. It’s a “Holy shit, I love them so much, what did I do to deserve them?” kind of thing. A, “I love hanging out with these people and I’m so glad I’m the one who gets to be their mom,” kind of thing.
(Believe me, I’m overwhelmed with other feelings, too…”I’m a terrbile mom” feelings and “Oh my God, I’ve passed on my crazy” feelings and “They’re going to need lots of therapy because of me” feelings and “I suck” feelings. As well as the “they need to do more around the f*#king house feelings” and “I would never have talked to my mom like that” feelings and “If I see one more G*dd*mn sock” feelings and “I need some time alone” feelings. Lots of feelings happening here! So while I talk about gratitude, don’t think I’m trying to fool you into thinking I am gushing love and goodness all the time. Or that it’s always easy…it’s not.)
Look for things to be grateful for…
If you don’t look for what you’re grateful for you might miss these moments, these characteristics.
On bad days, you might have to look a little harder.
There’s a Danny story here that is a good example…
One of the best things about all my children is their sense of wonder and appreciation for little things. (Though I worry technology might be sucking this gift away from them as they get older…but that’s a story for another day)
I remember going for a walk to look for crocuses on one of the first spring days here last March. Danny found a little patch of them on the side of the road.
They were near a crumbling curb, there was some litter around, there were dirt patches and brown grass. He was so excited and all he talked about was how beautiful those crocuses were.
And they were. In and of themselves they were beautiful little flowers braving the cold to bloom.
But if I wasn’t looking for them, and I wasn’t with a happy little 7-year-old, I might not have even seen them. Or if I did I might not have appreciated them.
Most of us would have just seen a crappy little yard in need of some serious TLC.
Get out of default gratitude…
If we do think about “gratitude” at all it’s usually default gratitude. The things that of course we should be grateful for. And it’s worthwhile to think about those things, too. But when we think about those things we can try to tap into it more, using the lessons we’ve learned from the littler, everyday things.
Being grateful for our home becomes being grateful for a roof when it’s pouring rain, heat on our feet on a freezing morning, clean water to drink when we come home dying of thirst, a washer and dryer when someone throws up on the bed, hot water in the shower.
And maybe if we’re wishing for a bigger, better home or wishing we could finally paint the freaking living room or kicking ourselves for not being better at decorating or envying the amazing new kitchen a friend has…those specifics will make us appreciate our home a little more.
I’ve found that our default gratitude statements don’t really tap into that gut feeling of appreciating something specific. Yes, I’m grateful for “my home and my family and my health”- but I try to dig in a little deeper to capture the actual emotion of gratitude.
It might take practice to feel specific gratitude, but that doesn’t mean it has to be forced or fake. Look around for something to be grateful for and frame your thinking so that you really are grateful for something that maybe you never took the time to notice before.
Little, specific gratitude…
“Practicing gratitude” really means just taking a second to think about things that feel good or make you happy. Like I have drunk plenty of hot cups of coffee, but how often do I pause and think, “Wow, I am grateful for this hot cup of coffee in my hands right now.”
Noticing the little things raises our appreciation overall. And feeling little moments of happiness over little things makes us happier overall.
So I’ve looked through my journal that I finished today and want to share some examples of my little things…
I am grateful for this pretty journal.
I am grateful Luke made me coffee.
I am grateful for feeling the heat on my feet as I write this.
I am grateful for the birds on the bird feeder.
I am grateful for laughing with Thomas in the kitchen.
I am grateful that Frances did the school announcements today and that her quote was from Yogi Bhajan.
I am grateful for Danny’s too-small pajamas.
I am grateful Rose played me a song that made her think of me.
I am grateful Kaiden calls me Mimi.
I am grateful I didn’t have to make lunches today.
An added bonus of gratitude…
Another bonus of gratitude? It can soften the edges of anger.
I remember sitting down to write in my gratitude journal when I was pissed off at my husband, and like a big pissed off, not a little “he took my headphones again” kind of pissed off. But I forced myself grudgingly to think of something to write.
And that’s the difference between vague and specific gratitude. I could have written “I am grateful for Luke” even when I was angry and not really feeling it and checked off the gratitude box for the day.
But that would not have meant anything. Forcing myself to really find something specific made me tap into a real feeling of gratitude that I had about him.
And thinking about that made me feel a strong sense of love for him…and it dulled the anger a bit. It made me ready to move past it. It made me aware of those feelings that you resist acknowledging when you’re so freaking angry (and maybe a little bit stubborn).
So if you don’t really get the whole “gratitude” thing, I get it. It can be overdone and feel hollow. But when you get specific and tap into that deep-down emotion some things make you feel, then gratitude can become powerful.
Gratitude can interrupt anxiety. It can bring about more joy in your life.
Gratitude can raise those vibes. Even if you think that sounds silly or stupid or woo-woo or like complete bullshit, wouldn’t you just like to be in a better mood? To feel better? Then you need to raise your vibration and gratitude can help you do that.
What are you grateful for today? Think of something and tell me, damnit. I’d love to hear from you! You can comment here, email me (mary@stayathomefit.com), or on Facebook or Instagram. For more of my thoughts on gratitude (if you’re not sick of them yet) check out these posts: Catch Moments of Gratitude and Gratitude: 5 Minutes to a Happier Life.
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I am grateful for being open to trying new things!
That’s a big one…and I’m proud of you!