Self-love and self-care are two of those words that are losing their meaning a little in my mind. Not because they’re not important, but because I’m sick of hearing about them. But now I’m going to talk about them. Not in a “girl, you need a massage” kind of way, but in a “girl, you need to be nice to yourself” kind of way. I am also sick of hearing the word “girl” at the start of sentences, but there I am doing that too. And I never say “girl” in real life- it just came out there.
Anyway, back to the self-love stuff…I did a guided meditation this morning and we ended with affirmation-y kinds of statements. And I unexpectedly cried. Yes, a little heavy for a Saturday morning, but I cried. Because I have been struggling in the self-love/self-care department lately. I realized this week that for all my getting-it-done with my exercise and journaling and meditating in the morning, I’ve been fizzling out in the self-care and self-love the rest of the day.
One of my worst habits is negative thinking- dwelling on the mistakes I’ve made, wondering how I’ve screwed up so much, feeling like I suck at things. In general just being really, really hard on myself and not showing myself much love and kindness. Love and kindness that I sprinkle liberally everywhere else.
A simple, and really important, act of self-care is self-kindness. Give yourself some love and kindness, too. One way to do this is through positive statements. (Or, er, affirmations…)
Affirmations feel weird…
Now, I have to confess, for all my love of gushy and woo-woo stuff, I’m not a big affirmation kinda girl. I believe in them, I think they can work, but I don’t use them all that much. When I do use them, they do work- so I don’t know why I don’t use them more. Kind of like I don’t know why I don’t keep a food journal when I know they work or why I didn’t eat vegetables instead of fudge yesterday afternoon.
So even if you’re not willing to commit to an “affirmation practice” right now, some of these affirmations might come in handy in a moment of stress or as you cling to the side of a negativity spiral. You can say them even if you roll your eyes at the same time; you just might be surprised how they help…
I am…
I am strong.
If you’re here right now, you’re strong. Because we’ve all been through some stuff.
I am beautiful.
If you don’t believe it, think about how someone else sees you– your child or your mother or your husband or your sister or your best friend. Think about how you see someone who maybe doesn’t see the beauty in themselves. You are beautiful- the way you laugh or a little quirk or the way the light hits your profile. Say it until you believe it.
I am smart.
Again, you’re here. You’ve learned a lot, seen a lot, heard a lot. Even if you’re not super educated or crushing it in a career, even if you said something really stupid yesterday or you feel like you let that smart ship sail back in high school, you are a smart cookie.
I am loving.
Think of a simple act of love- a time you made a kid feel better, an act of affection toward someone who needed it, starting your husband’s car on a freezing morning, smiling at the grumpy cashier at ShopRite. You probably give love in more ways than you realize. And that’s a beautiful thing.
I am loved.
It’s easy to feel lonely in a busy world, a changing world, a tiring world. We get into fights, we snap at each other, we rush past each other going about our own lives, we don’t talk as often as we’d like or should. But you are loved. Think of a single instant when you felt loved and hold onto it, picture it in your mind. Loved by a child, loved by a parent, loved by another human being even if only for an instant in the interest of humanity. You are loved.
I am capable.
Of anything really. You are already capable of so much and there is more inside of you, more you can do, than you can imagine. Think of something you did that was hard- something that surprised yourself. Overcoming challenges- big or little- make us feel more capable.
I am…anything I want to be.
Don’t let what you’ve been or what you thought you had to be keep you from being anything you want to be. You don’t have to fit into a category or a box; you can be a little of this and a little of that and a whole lot of that over there.
It is so possible to redefine yourself, recreate yourself. In a big way, a little way, or lots of little ways. Your path or your plan doesn’t have to be perfectly laid out before you. It’s ok to bop around and figure things out. Some days you might feel like you have everything under control and some days you’ll wonder, “how dare you think you have anything under control, you big old hot mess.” Or maybe that’s just me.
Embrace the paradoxes
I am soft (a little softer than I’d like, literally and figuratively, haha) but I can be hard too.
It’s possible to be both.
I am snuggly and lazy and I am strong and fit.
As much as I love my morning routine, my favorite thing in the world is to snuggle up on the couch.
I am all about embracing natural beauty and I get highlights and like a good dose of black eyeliner.
In a world full of labels, labels that are ingrained in us at a young age, it’s tempting to want to fit neatly into a category. But we don’t have to! It’s one of the fun things about being an adult. (When I see a teenager who already seems to know this, I think, “Wow, she is so cool.”)
So if you’re struggling in an area of your life, try to reframe your thinking. Be gentler with yourself. When you feel weak, remind yourself you’re strong. Say it like a statement to the world. Even if it’s really just you who needs to hear it.
When you think, “I suck,” try replacing it with, “I am amazing.” Because you are. And if you can’t think of an example ask someone you love to help. Ask them what they love about you.
And if you’re still stuck? Reach out to me. I see beauty and amazing-ness in others all the time and sometimes I feel like it would be weird if I tell them, but I’d like to…
What are your thoughts on affirmations? Amazing life-changers, silly, weird, I never gave them a second thought…I’d love to hear from you!
You can comment here, email me, or reach out to me on Facebook or Instagram…
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