What Story Are You Telling Yourself?

Sometimes the real reason we don’t make the change/accomplish the goal/do the thing? It’s our own damn self. Hard to admit, hard to uncover. Often true. What story are you telling yourself that’s holding you back?

We all have stories. Many smaller stories and a big story. What’s your story? What are you telling yourself about the person you are? About your life?

I’ve heard something along these lines before- what story is holding you back? – but this quote from Tony Robbins really got me. Because my stories are keeping me from getting what I want.

These stories show up as excuses (I’m too busy, I’m too tired), as limiting beliefs (I’m not good enough), as procrastination (cleaning out the hall closet this morning is a good example- meanwhile I haven’t written a blog post in weeks and the rest of my house is a shit show).

Sometimes these stories run deep, like back to childhood. Sometimes these stories are ingrained in us, like from society- TV, movies, social media, school, culture. And sometimes these stories are attached to primal instincts- self-preservation and all that kinda stuff.

Figuring out what stories we’re buying into can be an important first step to making a change and improving our lives. Whatever that means for you.

Here are some beginnings of stories we tell ourselves…

I’m too old. 

Do you know this one? I’m too old to get fit. What does it matter anyway? I’ve never been in shape; it’s too late to start now. I’m too old to change careers. I’m too old to find someone. I’m too old to change. This is a young man’s game.

I’m too young.

It works both ways. I’m too young; people won’t take me seriously. [This one (at my tender age of 45) isn’t as familiar to me, but I do remember this feeling when I was younger.]

I’m not ambitious enough.

Have you ever felt you didn’t have the drive to do something? Doubted your ability to really succeed, because you felt like you weren’t a hustler, a type-A personality? Or imagined you had to be like ______________ to really succeed? Fill in the blank with whoever you want- Steve Jobs, Oprah, Lady Gaga, your high school valedictorian.

I’m not disciplined.

This was a major story for me. I believed it for a very long time, and sometimes I still believe it. But I’ve proven it wrong in some areas, which gives me hope I can tap into that discipline in other areas…Once I get out of my head and out of my story, that is.

I’m not smart enough.

Really? What kind of smart are we talking about here? Because there are all kinds of smart and I bet you are smarter than you think. (or feel)

It’s unrealistic.

Have you gotten stuck in the belief that something you really want is unrealistic? Me being an Olympic gymnast? That’s unrealistic. But most dreams aren’t. Maybe they need to be tweaked a bit, but so much more is possible than we think.

The list of stories goes on and on…

I’m not ____________ enough (strong, smart, pretty, talented, creative, savvy, tech-y- fill in the blank.)

That doesn’t happen to people like me.

I could never do that.

I’m not a morning person.

You’re too shy.

I’m big-boned. 

It’s genetic. 

I’m a mess. 

It’s too hard.

I’m a slacker. 

People like me aren’t meant for school.

I’m not good at anything. 

Susie is the smart one.

I’m lazy.

You can never be too rich or too thin.

(I’m putting a mental asterisk next to the stories that are still tumbling around my brain. Where would you put a mental asterisk?)

Do any of these sound familiar?

So how do we get past these stories?

The first step is awareness. (See this post and this one for more about that!) Being honest with ourselves about our thoughts and feelings. Calling ourselves out on our excuses. Looking at what’s true and what’s not.

We also need to give ourselves time to ask the big questions. What do we really want? Are we really happy? How would we feel if we make the change/do the thing?

We also need to do a little exploring and empowering. Think about where a particular story comes from- is it from that time you got called fat in school and your mom told you it was ok, you’re just big-boned? Or when you wrote a poem you thought was amazing and it didn’t make it into the school magazine? Have you been told you’re not a morning person? Is it from a saying like, “Money is the root of all evil”? Do you compare yourself to your interior-designer sister-in-law and feel like your house will never feel like a grown-up lives there?

Finally, we need to take action. Maybe without a big plan, maybe when it’s not the perfect time, maybe before we feel ready. Challenge the story- go for a walk, eat the salad, join the kickboxing class, send the email, post the poem, smile, buy the book, set the alarm for 5 minutes earlier, schedule the meeting, post the resume…

You can redefine your life, anytime, anywhere. It’s your life. It’s your story. It’s up to you.

Where are you stuck? Do you think there’s a story getting in the way? I’d love to hear from you! Sometimes just putting it out there is enough to open things up…You can comment here, email me at mary@stayathomefit.com, or find me on Facebook or Instagram.

(Two other posts that might resonate if you have stories you’d like to shake up…See Yourself as Somebody Else Sees You and I Am Willing.)

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