I know I’m all blah, blah, blah about mindset. But that’s because for a long time I didn’t realize how much it matters. Or how much control I had over my moods. Or how much knowing this stuff could change my life. You can shift your mindset. Your day-to-day mindset as well as your big-picture mindset. It’s all about making mindset shifts…
When you’re in a crappy mood it can feel really hard to do and if you’re in a really crappy mood you might get stuck in a loop of apathy and not care enough to try. But I promise that with practice it gets easier. You get better at it and you find what works for you and you figure it out.
Sometimes we have to pretend to shift- say when we have to show up at work or at a social function or for our kids or to be there for our loved ones. So we pretend that we’re not in this crappy place and sometimes, lo and behold, we get out of the crappy place.
It’s a miracle.
So how do we do that on our own? For ourselves? When we aren’t forced to?
It can be a little harder but it can be done.
How to do your own mindset shift…
♥ Tap into that inner part of you that is striving- to be happier, to feel less stress, just to feel better. Or just wanting to feel not-like-this.
♥ Consciously remind yourself that you are in control. You can pick new things to think about; you can think about things in a different light.
♥ Think about reasons to shift your mindset…you’ll have a better day. You’ll be a kinder person to those around you. Your current mindset feels like shit.
♥ Realize that wallowing and stewing in misery are no good for anyone. What good will staying there do?
♥ Think happier thoughts. And this might sound too Pollyanna for you, but it works. It’s hard to feel negative feelings and positive feelings at the same time.
Specific happy thoughts…
So bring to mind things that bring you joy- and be specific. Don’t just think “my son’s smile” think “my son’s sweet little gap-toothed smile when he’s laughing and telling me about what happened at the sink in his classroom yesterday.” Picture it in your mind; bring up a memory.
Pissed off at someone? Think about something endearing about them.
Anxious about driving in traffic? Think about the last time you came home from this trip and how good it felt to get into your warm house and put on your pajamas. Picture yourself arriving home in detail.
Worried about something or waiting for news about something? Imagine the best possible outcome. Covid tests are a good example of this. When I was waiting for one of my kid’s covid tests and feeling anxious about the implications if it was positive- the people we had been around, the things coming up in the days ahead that we would miss, the logistics of quarantining- I turned it around and imagined the doctor calling and saying, “Good news! No covid, no strep, no flu.” And the relief I would feel. And the fun we would have in the days ahead.
Find a way to flip your worrying thoughts around into happier little daydreams. Ease overwhelm with thoughts about positive outcomes.
(For more about this see this post – 8 Ways to Fix Your Mindset)
My mindset shift today…
Today is my mom’s birthday. She passed away last month and would have been 82 today. I’m struggling this week, with my grief- I’m sad, I’m so tired. I’ve been all BLAH the last few days. But it’s almost Christmas and I have kids so I have to cheer the f— up.
This doesn’t mean I’m smothering my feelings or bottling them up. I’m feeling my feelings, I’m making room for the grief. But I’m not wallowing in it.
So how do I do that? Today, I cried in the shower. Ugly crying in all its glory. And then, I made a conscious decision to celebrate my mom today. To celebrate that 82 years ago today she came into this world. Do I wish she was here in person to celebrate with? Yes. But I’m focusing on the fact that I got 46 years with this awesome lady. I’m celebrating all the joy and laughter and fun and goodness she brought to this world. I’m smiling right now as I type this because she brought smiles everywhere she went.
And I’m not faking it right now. I’m feeling it for real. Love, gratitude, joy, happiness. She was awesome and she was mine and how freaking awesome is that?
So that’s my mindset shift for today. A dramatic example, maybe, but a real one.
Will I cry again today? Most definitely. Will I have pangs of sadness and all those other darker feelings I’ve had this week? I’m sure. Can I allow that and then turn it around again? Yes.
We are in control of our thoughts. We have much more power over our moods than we realize. It takes some reflection and practice, but it gets easier to do.
Sometimes we can allow ourselves a wallow…a full-on blanket-over-the-heads kind of day. But we can’t get stuck there.
And some days it’s harder to do than others…I know that.
On those days remind yourself you are in control. You can turn your ship around. Your mindset is yours to shift.
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