Hidden Resistance

Feeling stuck in reaching your goals? Frustrated by the starting and stopping? I get it. And resistance is probably to blame! Whatever kind of “journey” you’re on- a health and fitness-related journey, a career journey, a grief journey, a transition journey, you name the journey- there are a lot of parallels. And there are also parallels in the obstacles we face along the way. Sometimes these obstacles are outside our control; sometimes they are within our control. But sometimes we don’t even know what they are…I’ll call those hidden resistance.

Sometimes we know we’re resisting change…I want to lose weight but I resist giving up dessert. I’d really like to run a marathon but I resist running in the cold. Or running when it’s hot. Or running in the morning. My dream is to be an author but I resist giving up sleep or Netflix time to write.

Resisting obvious pain or resistance to not getting pleasure is one form of resistance. Even when we know it’s there it can be hard to fight it.

These are some other common obstacles for making change or progress:

• Doubt.
• Self-sabotage.
• Fear of rejection.
• Fear of sucking.
• Fear of failing.
• Fear of making a fool of myself.
• Worrying about what other people think.

So sometimes we might get on a roll and then we stumble. Either because we get bogged down in doubt or because we self-sabotage or because we don’t have a plan in place for when the rest of life gets especially busy.

These things happen when I’m trying to reach certain fitness goals (like losing the quarantine fluff). I get on a good roll, I string together a few good days, and then I backslide. I sabotage my progress just when things are on a roll. Why?? I know what to do, I want it, I know it’s what’s best for me, I know it will feel good when it happens. So why can’t I just freaking do it?

Hidden hold-backs…

Sometimes there are less obvious, hidden things holding you back. Things that might sound counterintuitive but are very real and sometimes very powerful. The ominous hidden resistance.

Fear of success

Fear of what happens when you get there

Fear of change

And those really ominous things like worthiness and shame. Yikes.

Making big life changes, even if they’re very positive and exactly what you’ve been wanting, can also bring a sort of grief. You often have to give things up to make changes- move out of a comfortable place. It might also mean owning up to a shift in your identity.

What might be holding you back?

Let’s use losing weight as an example.

Maybe you’ve been wanting to get healthy for a while. You’re willing to put in the work, you have strong reasons why you want to lose weight, you have books’ worth of knowledge about what to do.

What could be holding you back? You know you’ll feel better. It’s what’s best for you. It will feel good.

Becoming a healthier person will likely mean a deep change. Unless you’re pretty healthy to start.

Maybe you’re afraid you won’t be fun anymore. Or as cozy. Maybe you feel like you’ll have to give up cooking your favorite things or eating at your favorite restaurant or going out for drinks or having your wine each evening.

These things can feel like a fundamental part of your life and it can feel like changing your whole identity or becoming someone you don’t want to be to make those changes.

Maybe you’ve always rolled your eyes at the person who turns down cake at a birthday party and thought that person was a stick in the mud.

Maybe you think people who don’t drink are boring or not fun. So turning down that drink (even when you’re by yourself) makes you feel boring and not fun.

You decide who you want to be…

But guess what…Getting healthier will probably mean turning down cake and wine. Not all the time, but probably a lot. And especially in the beginning.

And guess what…It will be worth it.

Building a business might mean giving up TV at night so you can wake up earlier to work on your business.

Changing careers might mean less time socializing because you have school work to do.

But you’re in charge here. You get to decide what this dream life looks like, what it includes. And you can make the plan and make the choices that feel good and are in alignment with what you really want.

The good news is we don’t have to give up everything we know and love to make a change. We have to find a way to make it work together. (Most of it- sometimes some things have to go all together or nothing will change!) But the important first step is knowing what might be holding you back.

Do you feel stuck? What might be holding you back? I’d love to hear from you! You can comment here, email me at mary@stayathomefit.com, or connect with me on Facebook and Instagram.

Also, I’m offering a limited number of free 30-minute coaching sessions to identify and work through resistance. Email me if you’d like to sign up for one!

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