Self-Care and Self-Awareness

I have eased up on my morning routine lately. Why? Me who goes on and on about the importance of healthy habits and morning routines? Because it feels right to me. For now. I’m freaking tired. And sometimes our “self-care” needs to be tempered with an extra dose of “self-awareness.”

Sometimes doing all the right things gets to feel exhausting instead of energizing. Stressful instead of rejuvenating. Like a chore instead of a gift.

So I backed off. Without really planning it at first. But when I mentioned it to someone they said that’s because it’s what you need right now. And I realized the slacking was pretty smart of me.

Sometimes we need to push ourselves. My morning routine is healthy and I love starting my day that way. Each aspect of it is part of self-care- taking care of me and making time for me and making my health and happiness a priority.

But there are also times we need to back off. In one are or another or maybe a few.

And we need to honor what’s happening in our lives right now that might require a little adjustment in how we go about things.

Stupid school concerts…

I’m grieving pretty hard right now. When my mom passed away in November I made a conscious effort to brace myself for the pain. I’ve put things in place to make sure I allow myself time for grieving while still showing up for everyday life.

All this calculated self-regulation has helped. But the last few weeks have been really hard. I think it started with Easter- a holiday we always spent in Florida with my parents and then for the last few years with just my mom. Then we buried her ashes, a sort of closure to the whole death process. Mother’s Day came not soon after and it was maybe a little harder than I anticipated. Now we’re facing all the concerts and promotions and things…

Stupid school concerts. Who would guess how painful they could be??

{I do have to confess- school concerts have always made me a little teary-eyed. Something about children singing (even when, forgive me, it’s not very good) gets me emotional.}

But concerts were my parents’ thing. They came with me to every one they could. My husband never took off work for a concert. But I could count on my mom and dad keeping me company and loving every minute of it.

I could see how proud they were. And they enjoyed it in the way that I think only older people can- with a wisdom and love we don’t have until we’ve lived long enough.

I might have been mentally running through my to-do list or worrying about the too-small white shirt my kid was wearing, but my parents enjoyed it on a different level.

So at my 7th-grader’s orchestra concert last week and my 4th-grader’s chorus concert yesterday, I felt the loss in a new way.

The loss of both my parents. Even though it’s been 4 1/2 years since my dad passed away and we missed a couple of years worth of concerts thanks to covid.

The loss of having a buddy like no other in this mothering journey.

In the last few months of my mom’s life I was her caretaker. I was her person. But she has been my person my whole life. And especially so in the 17 years I’ve been a mom.

I am grateful for all the concerts and Easters and promotions and communions and birthday dinners and Mothers’ Days and Fathers’ Days and random weeknight dinners we had together. I know some people never had those times with either parent.

But I’m still feeling heavy grief lately.

And grief has physical symptoms, including fatigue.

So…I’m sleeping a little later this week. Even if it means I exercise a little less.

Adjust as needed…

Even if what’s happening in your life right now isn’t as heavy as grieving a loved one or as major as selling a house, it’s worth considering. What’s happening now that maybe you need to give yourself a little grace about?

Where could you be a little kinder to yourself? Cut yourself a little slack?

Is work extra busy? Are you worried about someone? Maybe it’s just the state of the world that has your anxiety heightened?

Sometimes I think we worry about giving ourselves a break because we think we need the discipline. Or we’re worried about falling into bad habits or just slacking off. But I think we know the difference. The difference between wanting to sleep a little later because we’re not motivated and wanting to sleep a little later because we need the rest.

Self-awareness is the most important step in growing as a person, in making positive changes, in living a healthier and happier life.

“Rest” can be an action…

I like to end my coaching sessions with an action plan. Part of the beauty of coaching is walking away feeling empowered, in control, ready to move forward.

At the end of a coaching session not too long ago the action plan for my client was: watch Netflix.

It wasn’t exactly that, but it was an idea we threw out there. The action plan was take care of yourself, and sometimes intentionally allow yourself an out from the pain that is happening in real life.

That plan won’t stay in place forever and the bigger plan did include going for walks, meditation, healthy eating, connecting with friends, reading a personal development book.

But sometimes a good cry followed by curling up on the couch and watching a mindless show is just what the doctor (or life coach) ordered.

How are you taking care of yourself this week?

When taking care of yourself doesn’t feel like taking care of yourself it’s time to take a step back.

You’ll know when it’s bullshit and when it’s legitimate. Practice that self-awareness.

And you’ll also know when maybe you need to step it up a notch. Wake up earlier. Exercise more. Mind your eating habits a little more closely. Sit down with that notebook and slap down some goals.

You’ll know…if you’re listening.

How is your self-awareness? Your caretaking? I’d love to hear about it! And I’d love to help you if you could use a little nudge. Or just a space to figure that out.

You can comment here, email me at mary@stayathomefit.com, or connect with me on Facebook and Instagram.

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