I am facing a period of transition in my career, an area I have been semi-struggling with always. In the midst of the worry and stress and discomfort associated with any kind of change, I have been trying to dive deep and go a little woo-woo: meditating, trying to “surrender” and be open to opportunities, “allowing” the universe to show me the way.
I have also been trying to “keep my chin up,” to feel optimistic that I can find work that is meaningful and that I love. Or at least find work in a place that doesn’t give me the Sunday night scaries.
So I am trying to visualize what I want…
Here’s the problem: I don’t know what I want.
I have vague ideas- flexibility, not too far from home- and fuzzy feelings- fulfilled, inspired.
I want to stick with what’s comfortable but I also crave something new.
But that’s it. When I’ve talked to people about what I’m going to do next, I’m not sure what to say. There are a lot of variables. But if someone asks, “What do you want to do?” I don’t really have a concrete answer.
And when I do answer it’s non-committal and might feel like a verbal connect-the-dots that makes no shape.
So I have been meaning to sit down and write “What do you want?” on a piece of paper and write whatever comes to my mind.
Maybe the answers will be convoluted but at least I’ll have something to work with.
And in the midst of this internal thing I’m contemplating this came up…
Yankees vs. Dodgers
We were watching a Yankees game on TV. I have watched hundreds of Yankees games, I have a basic knowledge of baseball, and while I wouldn’t sit down to watch a game on TV if I was by myself, I have enough interest to watch a bit while it’s on. It was a good game; it was getting near the end and the score was 0-0. So I asked my husband what happens if the ninth inning ends and there’s no score.
I was good-naturedly teased about this question! My husband and my kids laughed and my husband said, “How much baseball have you watched?” And made the point that I know what happens if there’s no score, and that I’ve watched games like this before.
My daughter (who probably feels the same way I do about baseball) said it goes into overtime. My son (who is a huge fan) corrected her, “Extra innings.” But I was impressed with her overtime answer.
It was just a silly little conversation we laughed about, but it got me thinking…
If we were watching the same game and if someone asked me what happens at the end of the 9th inning if there is no score, I think I would have been able to answer them correctly. I think I might even have said it using correct baseball terminology, “The game will go into extra innings.”
The information was in my brain somewhere. It didn’t come to me when I was just thoughtlessly watching the game.
I think it would have come to me if I was asked specifically for the information.
What’s the point of this baseball story?
Without being asked, the answer didn’t come to me- I wasn’t rifling through the files of information in my head to find that answer.
What do I want?
All along I’ve never sat down and thought about what I want- conversations with others have helped me unearth truths, but I can have conversations with myself too- asking questions and answering them, not worrying about the unknown parts or the “hows.”
The answers may very well be there. You just have to ask the questions.
Are you looking for answers in some area of your life?
Ask yourself some questions.
Get some paper and write a question down at the top. Sit in quiet for 10-15 minutes and let yourself write whatever comes up for you.
Even if you’re not a writing or journaling kind of person I think y ou will be surprised by what comes out on paper.
Talking to someone can help too. But it should be a dedicated conversation, not thrown into the mix of conversations about the recipe you tried last night, what the kids are doing this summer, and what you’ll wear to Susie’s baby shower. And maybe there should be a pad and paper around – something about writing helps us process things differently and can make things feel more concrete than when they’re just spoken.
Do you know what you want? Is there an area of life you are feeling unsatisfied with? If you’re not sure who to talk to about this kind of stuff, I’m here for you; send me an email to set up a free call- marydriscollwellness@gmail.com.
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